Thursday, June 25, 2009


Playing Cowboys

Kid: My mom said to stay way from people you hate cuse they just make you dumb.
Kid 2: that's stupid.
Kid: yea I think so to. I mean some people you just gotta hate, ya know. that's not stupid, there's
nothing stupid about that. I mean I hate that kid Brian, hes always wearing the same shit I have, ya know. what if I was just a poser and wore the same shit he wore all the time.
Kid3: yea
Kid 2: yea!
Kid 3: Sometimes i think I hate my dad. But I dont know.
Kid 2: now thats stupid. YOu dont even live with your dad, how could you hate him?
Kid: you know who I really hate. that kid, ya know. whats his name? the one who use to always to try and sit with us last year in the caffateria. God I hate him so bad !! whats his name! fuck , you know, you know who im talkking about?? god I hate him so much but I dont remeber his name.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

apparent image

they wanted to fuck right there and then in the gas station. there was that tension that could create that spontaneous situation were anything could happen. He thought about doing it on top of the slushi and soda machines. He thought about the lights flashing on off and moments in his day dream there was an audiencse and then moments there was not. they chosse there drinks and walked up to the counter.
The man standing there was much older then them and had stains on his shirt from something that that loked liek could have been musterd? hs saide to them, " You two look happy, I can tell this about people. My apparent image lingers on my retina for two secounds rather then one. when I look at you all I se is a topographical image. You to look as deep as the gran canoyon"


BDC: Hey hows it goin ?
Melvin: know good... Iv been reading a lot
BDC: oh yea, what about?
Melvin: David Carradine. and his death, they was a accident, but i don't know believe that shit. You know who I mean?
BDC: uh yea. that guy in Kill bill
Melvin: No man I mean real shit! Not that martial arts shit. I mean the real shit. He was famous, said he was on drugs. Do you know what happens when you become famous? You become a pimp. They said he was with some prostitute, whatever, he was married three times. crazy shit, they said he suffocated, they found him with no shoes on. I once knew some guy who suffocated. He was a bartender and got real drunk one night and went home and suffocated himself in his garage, they said it was an accident. that dude never could drink, he always got sick. You know what the hardest part about caddying at Firestone country club is? you always got walk up hills. I hate that shit. they just found some dude drowned in the water. said when they pulled him out he looked like a ghost. I don't believe this shit about Carradine, he was in westerns and in gangster movies. But wasn't no gangster. they said they found him with no shoes on and that he looked liek a ghost, no no I mean a zombie. whatever that is ?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

summer interns!

Summer internship for research intern. Job is unpaid but my mom will provide you with meals now and then cause my dad doesn't eat with us anymore. You will have to provide yourself your own computer and desk. We do have extra chairs in my living room which will probably be your work corner anyway. You will be positioned in the corner of the living room nearest our amazing encyclopedia collection, which you will exclusively have access to. The staff has other jobs that take up most of our time and we have meetings after work that can sometimes go deep into the night. So your responsibility's are going to be very very big. We have a blow up matress and plenty of pillows cuse you will be working very late nights. We are looking for somebody who is in this for the long term and dose not mind taking all accountability for us. If you feel like you might be that person please send us your resume and a list of all your professcinalites? ( this is a photo of were your matress will probably be. the encyclopedias are in walking distance)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

a new color

red walked for miles and miles to get to white. From there they spoke to yellow about this feeling they had. red had been feeling dizzy and white was unsure of everything. yellow had been having night mares as well so they decided to go and meet up with blue. Blue had been staring in the corner for two days looking to see what was in between. they quickly decided that they need answers so they all went to go speak with orange. Orange had been staying at greens for green had fevers and needed someone there to tell Green it was not hallucinating. Orange said that the only way to solve this is to go and find black.
So they all walked and walked and as the shades became darker they all fell into a very deep dark sleep. and when they woke up,
everything was different.

Friday, April 17, 2009

studies in architecture vol. 1

First there will be big concret blocks. then there will be big red blocks hanging above them. Then There will be statues, There will be lots of statues. Religious figures of some time period. Then we will make a river. We will have to dig the ground up very deep and fill it full of water. Then Lots of pillars, ionic and greek. there will be marble floors. Waite no, Wooden floors. then we will use our rulers. We will put them down on the ground and count till ten. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

the great suicide mission to the sun


the mission was only suppose to last for a year. we were suppose to hit up the international space station and make a quick stop on the moon. But now iv been up here for nearly ten years. The captain said "fuck it", and has sent us on a suicide mission right for the sun! he said that all he can remember about earth is his baby boy and how they buried his umbilical cord in the back yard so that one day they could bring his body back to life.
So now were headed straight towards the sun. I think the captain has seriously lost his shit. He told me that we should be honored to have such a magnificent death. In a way he's kind of right, I cant really get that mad at the guy. I'm still pissed that were all out of cigarettes and that I cant sprinkle salt and pepper in space. sometimes I will catch the captain looking out the window of are space craft whispering to himself " Yous eyes are like stars, your eyes are like the stars".

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Algorithm of the week!

Fi, U, Li, Ui,
this is the algorithm of the week. If you just follow these simple steps in any given situation, 6 times in a row. you will always find your self back at were you began.

best dressed chicken would like to announce that we will be changing somethings on the blog. there will be less drunk posts, more advertisements, less surgical videos and more stories about coke. Are professionalism is growing at a monumental speed and we hope you all can keep up with it.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Inmates watching television

Q: how long were you in prison for? how did you deal with it?
A: I was in prison for a very long time. God helped me through it.
Q: Were you a religious person before you entered prison?
A: Yes, I have been very religious for a long time.
Q: Are you guilty of your crime? Did you murder?
A: I am color blind. I mistake the color red for green*

* I believe last week I was going around telling people that Napoleon was known to have been color blind and when he saw fields of dead men he thought the grass looked greener then usual.
I'm not sure if I made this up or not? Whats the difference?

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Wedding PICS 1981!!!

State Opening

this is me at my first wedding. I'm the one right in the middle, do you see me? after the ceremony I demanded to have Shirley temples till I puked, and that's exactly what happened. I danced with the queen and made king Charles jealous and snappy. We did the Charleston, the tango and the nuclear bomb. I have to say I looked very dapper. Me and the queen walked out on to the balcony. She told me she felt like a monkey in a cage. I said " there use to be so many places to go, but you chose the cage". we toasted are glasses of sparkling jello. Then we all did coke off off the mirrors in the bathroom that I had just recently bought from the Wonderland gang no less then a month ago. then we all said goodnight and wished the best of luck to the fallen city of Beirut. this was one crazy night in the summer of 1981.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Sometime when I was younger i decided that I should try my hardest to look at people in the eye. I felt like maybe I would gain me more respect and it would be easier to fall in love. I think for awhile it actually worked. I use to dodge my eyes away from people i didn't know and always walked with my head down. But not anymore.
One day I was talking to a fried about dog's and how you should never look at them in the yes for they will think you are trying to overpower them and they could become very aggressive. I started doing this with the dogs I came across and I felt like it worked pretty well. So now I was meeting so many more dogs and people purely from the relationship we could build through my eyes. I thought they were very powerful
One day I was walking in the Park and came across a man. I walked past him and are eyes meet. He was younger and pretty attractive. He looked very sweaty. I said hello with my eyes and continued walking. about 20 yards later I realized he was following me. I could hear him talking to himself " you mother fucker, you mother fucker." I kept walking for two hours.
Now i keep my eyes closed on the street.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

bye bye baby baby

This is my favorite movie ever

I stole a bunch of ciggs from my dad tonight. He wont know cuse hes crazy

"My love must be a kind of blind love, cuse I cant see anybody but you. " - the flamingos

Thursday, March 26, 2009

oh yea this what I was looking for.
I also want to tell you about Best Dressed chickens employee of the week. he is my supervisor at work and we call him Bird. He is very tall and has beautiful blond hair that is very long. Sometimes he wears glasses. hes are employee of the week.


SO I guess I cant post this song I wanted to post. and that's fine, ya know. Know reason to get all pissed about free music. Ya know. I just wanted to tell you all about this dude. But it doesn't matter now. Cuse I cant find it. so I'm going to tell you about something Else
you ever get that feeling. ya know. that feeling about something. then it becomes true!
well i had a wrist band made from meat rope, i use to work in a meat shop. and when I put it on it was an important point in my life. It was a point of change, something for the better. and now the bracelet is gone. it broke. What the Fuck! I dint know it then but that bracelet stored every connection Iv made since then. But now its gone. You know some things are stored in such small places.
I really just wish I could have played you all a song and been done with it. i guess till next post.
Oh yea best dressed chicken is laying off most of the staff. I think I will keep all the scientists. But the rest of you gotta go.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

crime dad

Mobster Shot in Philadelphia

This is my dad at the scene of the crime He is checking out the vehicle that supposedly belongs to a man known as my uncle. He has just moved back from New York city were he had been spending his time dancing to the disco and doing other wicked things. I don't remember much else about this night other then my dad watching M.A.S.H in teh wating room and he wouldnt go in to see his brother till the episode ended.

Guns Galore

Oh but now I rember, this is the night my dad picked out my first B.B gun for me. Here he is at the store. that night I layed in the backyard and shot every firefly in sight.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

piece of shit google ad's, get outa my Blog!!
You might sleep but you will never dream

SO you went to this new house and stayed back and talked to this dude about Vietnam. He told me how pretty it was and he had the pitcurs to proof it.
Briefing In Borneo

I went looking for you in this grassy patch were there were tons of skiping stone and shit. what do you call them anyway,? stepping stones, oh yes.
I ran across some old lady between her house and she said something to me of importance that I don't want to forget but already have. I found the house you were in. there was Fhelty in bed with some girl. He was siting on the edge of the bed, I guess he started smoking again. then your friend came up to me.
Old Man
he told me about how we were all stuck in the panopticon. apparently some dude named Jeremy Benthem thought that it would be a good idea to make a prison were the guards could see you but you couldn't see the guards. this becomes a way of seeing our world he said.
Jeremy Bentham
No cycle of power, the prisoner always knows the tower is looking at him but he never knows when they are looking at him.
I thought about the lightning outside and how the darkens allows us to view it. all transgression surrounds the limits of the lightning bolt. A fucking weird day man, I hope Fetly has some cigarettes

new best dressed chicken

its been a real long time and I do apologise for the wait. I am happy to announce that I am starting back up the best dressed chicken blog post. after last summers amazingly awesome three posts I think it is time to bring this shit back.
theres going to be a few changes on the site. For starters I'm getting rid of the theme and am pushing for a more ambiguous and possibly surprising theme. This strategy was thought up by experts and me under the premise that the less we let you know what to expect the more you don't know what you want and then BANG, love. In the comments you can leave suggestions for possible themes or possible things you would like me to investigate or things you would like me to do for you for money.
the content is going to mostly true, but also false a lot of the time. they will mostly be stories staring me and maybe one or two of you. I would also like to announce that we here at best dressed chicken will be adding one or two new features here at best dressed chicken. first off I would like to announce that we will be using YouTube. we've been working around the clock to figure out ways to not only post links on the site but to also have streaming movies that will hopefully compliment the stories. We also are focusing on uploading photos on to the page. These are all things we can look forward to in the next coming weeks. I am extremely excited about this new opportunity for best dressed chicken on the web and hope that we take the most advantage of it. Some of these stories are going to be very good, some are not. some will be happy and some extremlly sad. Enjoy!

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